Lovelyish Dish: The Terrifying Reality Of Growing Up

So something really strange happened to me recently. One day, I woke up — like every other day, perfectly normal — and all of a sudden, I realized I was about to finish my junior year of college. Panic set in, I grabbed my phone about to call the police because obviously SOMEBODY had stolen three years of my life that I wanted back. Then I realized that, alas, nobody had stolen those years, I was simply growing up — which I think was even worse than believing I'd been asleep for three years.

Many of my friends are graduating this year, going out into the "real world" (not the MTV version), getting jobs and moving away. Which is fine. I'm happy for them...but that means it's my turn soon. After next year, I'll be a real person with real person problems and real person bills and real person responsibilities. You mean adults don't go out Tuesday through Saturday?! You mean I might have to go to bed before 1 a.m.?! Not to mention what if I don't get a job?

Where's the pause button again?!

I know that there are some awesome benefits to being a grown-up too — no classes, papers or homework, your own place, the ability to travel without the awkward schedule constraints of college, seeing new places and living wherever you please — I can acknowledge that. But right now, the absolutely terrifying is close to outweighing the positives.
Recently, I was offered an internship in another state about 13 hours away from my home in Pennsylvania. (Granted I go to school six hours away, but still! That's a lot different than 13.) I would be spending in the summer in an unfamiliar place, with no friends or family and living all alone. At least freshman year I had a dorm and roommates that kind of had to talk to me.

Don't get me wrong, I was stoked for the opportunity! It was really cool and would be great experience. But a part of me — a rather large part me — was doing that high-pitched whiny thing of "IDONTWANNAIDONTWANNADONTMAKEMEEEE" inside my head. But it's not that I'm turned-off to the idea of the internship...I'm turned-off by the idea of being alone when, really, I was craving to be around my friends and family all summer. Then my mom bestowed her infinite wisdom upon me by saying, "Growing up is scary." That's what it was. I'm scared of the unknown. As much as I try to embrace every year and every new opportunity, I'm equal parts petrified. I'm not ready to leave my house, my friends, my family and my dogs. And then once I realized I'm afraid of growing up, I also realized I'm afraid of messing up — not just at the internship, either.

I'm simultaneously afraid of not doing the "growing up" thing quite right. I didn't have a lot of free time this semester, was always exhausted and not really ready to get back into the saddle. Then I began to wonder after a phone call to my best friend, am I too busy and wasting this beautiful transition period? I don't want to grow up too fast, but I also want to make sure I'm maturing and preparing myself for life after Ohio University. It's a delicate balance, and I don't want any regrets.